“i didn't know how to talk about the woman i was becoming because i wasn't even sure who she was yet.”
THIS !!! I am so grateful for the time I was “just a mom” - for the patience I had with myself when I kept trying on different jobs and none of them felt right. When my body forced me to slow down and be “just a mom” until my brain caught up and I was ready to explore new parts of myself that were some combination of old parts of me with the confidence I gained in motherhood.
“i didn't want to find 'my thing,' i wanted to find myself.”
and boy did you!! I’m so grateful for you and for this journey of finding ourselves in a way that brought us to each other.
Relate to this so much! I’m 3 kids in now and feel much more settled in this role. I actually made a pod ep about this called “I’m still struggling to call myself a stay at home mom — let’s unpack that.” I think you’d relate!!
!!! i can't wait to listen. my mom was also an at home mom of three -- for thirteen years ! before going back to school to become a psychologist in her fifties. i can't wait to listen, thanks for sharing this <3
“i couldn’t fit in because i didn’t know where i wanted to belong, so i kept stumbling into a lot of places i didn’t.”
this ! also I related so much to this even not being a mom. so glad we are connected. you inspire me and so does your writing and I can’t wait till we get to actually meet irl!!! xx
I love this!! Although not a mom I can relate to artistic identity / work identity / who am I just as myself identity!! SOOOO many lines I could highlight here and I appreciate your insights into motherhood so much. You published author, fantastic friend, & amazing mom!!!
Agreed with Sara ❤️ it’s hard to begin to introduce yourself when there’s so much to you and when you’re trying to figure who you are to yourself! Thanks for sharing as always ❤️
Thank you for writing this. I’ve had it on my “to read” list since you wrote it. I resonate with this so much. Never knew tha motherhood would be the initiation to finding myself, especially when so often, one can feel totally lost inside of it.
You put into words so beautifully what so many of us women experience.
Shelbye! i love being able to connect across platforms and put a face to a name. hiii <3 thank you so much for this heartfelt response and keeping it on your TBR list until now. i’m so so glad it resonated! and hell yes to the other side of getting lost, it feels like the periods of getting lost really are essential for being found again and again and again.
Wow. I felt this so hard as I've been trying to navigate becoming a new mom. It's been such a ride. And I've constantly found this need to try to earn some income or get back out into the world as I feel like there is this pressure to build this huge empire apart from raising our kids... I'm trying to remain focused on where God has me right now with raising my daughter full-time. I'm extremely grateful. And I'm trying to remind myself that what I'm doing is enough, even if it doesn't produce income or have a fancy label. Thanks for sharing!
i'm so glad it resonated, Katie, thank you so much for sharing! yes. what you are doing is enough <3 there are so many chapters to life, it is more than enough to be exactly where you are.
I feel this so deeply in my current season: i didn’t want to find ‘my thing,’ i wanted to find myself. i wanted to learn who i am without a title, without a salary, without a box to check. without any of the normal descriptors to hide behind, and with all of my needs met, who was i?
And I’m so honored to be the substack mom you took it offline with 🥹❤️
Welp, this met me right where I am in a completely non-parenthood related, but completely in-between *becoming* life moment. “I didn’t want to find my thing, I wanted to find myself” was like honey to my heart today. Thank you Annaliese 🤍
Your words resonate so much as if they were my own. Thank you for sharing. It's a huge identity shift to step into motherhood that I feel we're never really prepared for.
I love this. Currently facing a “relocate or get laid off” situation in my current role and grappling over my own identity and what’s next for me. Being a mom and a writer are two incredible things and I’m glad you’re owning it 🫶🏻
!!! i am so frustrated by this way-too-common scenario for you, Leah! it is so not simple to relocate a whole family for work </3 it's never fun to have a deadline on a decision appear on a timeline that is not your own. and i know that sometimes there is never an ideal answer, but i hope that you're taking plenty of time to be quiet with yourself and consider what you want at this exact time.
sending you a big hug and excited to see what's next for you!
I’ve been yearning for new mom friendships and feeling kind of unsure if I’d be accepted by mom cause I don’t identify as a woman. Reading your journey gave me reassurance that the right mom friends will come! ♥️
ohhh this makes me so happy to hear that this gave you some reassurance, i deeply believe that they will!
and i will say that the things i was worried would set me apart have become the same things that people find attractive. as much as i wanted to fit in and worried about being an outlier, owning my differences has ultimately made me more interesting and intriguing. i trust that your mom friends will love you exactly as you are too <3 fwiw, i do!
This was so beautiful and relatable, Annaliese. I'm not a mother yet, but when I was in between companies + going through the depths of my Saturn return, I suddenly felt untethered to how I've always self-identified—"the entrepreneur", "the hard worker", you get the gist. It took therapy and a fusion of self-love + acceptance to realize that the messy middle was okay, too.
“i didn't know how to talk about the woman i was becoming because i wasn't even sure who she was yet.”
THIS !!! I am so grateful for the time I was “just a mom” - for the patience I had with myself when I kept trying on different jobs and none of them felt right. When my body forced me to slow down and be “just a mom” until my brain caught up and I was ready to explore new parts of myself that were some combination of old parts of me with the confidence I gained in motherhood.
“i didn't want to find 'my thing,' i wanted to find myself.”
and boy did you!! I’m so grateful for you and for this journey of finding ourselves in a way that brought us to each other.
Love you and this 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
T H I S. thank you thank you thank you thank you. love this reflection and share. so so special, love you <3
Relate to this so much! I’m 3 kids in now and feel much more settled in this role. I actually made a pod ep about this called “I’m still struggling to call myself a stay at home mom — let’s unpack that.” I think you’d relate!!
https://open.substack.com/pub/stephaniemendeloff/p/i-still-feel-weird-calling-myself
!!! i can't wait to listen. my mom was also an at home mom of three -- for thirteen years ! before going back to school to become a psychologist in her fifties. i can't wait to listen, thanks for sharing this <3
“i couldn’t fit in because i didn’t know where i wanted to belong, so i kept stumbling into a lot of places i didn’t.”
this ! also I related so much to this even not being a mom. so glad we are connected. you inspire me and so does your writing and I can’t wait till we get to actually meet irl!!! xx
Y E S. and i'm so glad. totally applies to all seasons of change. and i also can't wait!
I love this!! Although not a mom I can relate to artistic identity / work identity / who am I just as myself identity!! SOOOO many lines I could highlight here and I appreciate your insights into motherhood so much. You published author, fantastic friend, & amazing mom!!!
Agreed with Sara ❤️ it’s hard to begin to introduce yourself when there’s so much to you and when you’re trying to figure who you are to yourself! Thanks for sharing as always ❤️
mmm <3 i love that reframe. so so much. thank YOU!
!!!! makes my heart swell. thank you <3 yes exactly! so many overlaps with different identities. THANK YOU.
Thank you for writing this. I’ve had it on my “to read” list since you wrote it. I resonate with this so much. Never knew tha motherhood would be the initiation to finding myself, especially when so often, one can feel totally lost inside of it.
You put into words so beautifully what so many of us women experience.
Thank you.
Shelbye! i love being able to connect across platforms and put a face to a name. hiii <3 thank you so much for this heartfelt response and keeping it on your TBR list until now. i’m so so glad it resonated! and hell yes to the other side of getting lost, it feels like the periods of getting lost really are essential for being found again and again and again.
It’s funny how having children teaches you so much about life and priorities. One day I’ll understand this
so so much! and i also deeply believe that these lessons can come from all different areas of life, with kids and without :)
Of course! Children are not necessary to a good life. If one chooses them and is lucky enough to have them though that’s pretty awesome.
love love love that <3
Thank you for writing this! Not enough attention goes to the “full-time mom” roll!
It may be the mother roll that requires the biggest ego death of all!?!? (Especially in this modern world!)
To completely redefine yourself as- yourself- doesn’t get much more “real” than that!
Hours, days, and years of sitting in those quiet, lonely, and empty spaces while enduring one dark night of the soul after another…
Then slowly, painfully, awkwardly, emerging as a new, vulnerable, raw, self.
A self that has no title other than “I am mother”.
What a beautiful journey for the soul, yet an incredible ego death that’s rarely talked about. Thank you again 🙏
Y E S to the ego death!! aptly put. thank you so much for your reflection here. this is beautiful <3
Wow. I felt this so hard as I've been trying to navigate becoming a new mom. It's been such a ride. And I've constantly found this need to try to earn some income or get back out into the world as I feel like there is this pressure to build this huge empire apart from raising our kids... I'm trying to remain focused on where God has me right now with raising my daughter full-time. I'm extremely grateful. And I'm trying to remind myself that what I'm doing is enough, even if it doesn't produce income or have a fancy label. Thanks for sharing!
i'm so glad it resonated, Katie, thank you so much for sharing! yes. what you are doing is enough <3 there are so many chapters to life, it is more than enough to be exactly where you are.
Wow! beautiful article, you expressed the feeling so many new mums feel so well! It resonated deeply, thank you 🤍
!! thank you so much, Kristyna <3 i'm so glad it resonated deeply with you.
I feel this so deeply in my current season: i didn’t want to find ‘my thing,’ i wanted to find myself. i wanted to learn who i am without a title, without a salary, without a box to check. without any of the normal descriptors to hide behind, and with all of my needs met, who was i?
And I’m so honored to be the substack mom you took it offline with 🥹❤️
<333 i am so so so glad it resonates! and ackkk, you and me both sister <3
100% writer 100% mom <3
one hundred percent true. thank you <3
Welp, this met me right where I am in a completely non-parenthood related, but completely in-between *becoming* life moment. “I didn’t want to find my thing, I wanted to find myself” was like honey to my heart today. Thank you Annaliese 🤍
Y E S yes yes the in-between *becoming* life moments <3 i am so glad this one resonated with you just when you needed it!!
okay also i am swooning at "like honey to my heart" !!!! big big love to you from my messy middle to yours
Your words resonate so much as if they were my own. Thank you for sharing. It's a huge identity shift to step into motherhood that I feel we're never really prepared for.
Aditi! that is the best best compliment ever, thank you. i'm so glad it felt so resonant that it could be from your own heart and mind <3
I love this. Currently facing a “relocate or get laid off” situation in my current role and grappling over my own identity and what’s next for me. Being a mom and a writer are two incredible things and I’m glad you’re owning it 🫶🏻
!!! i am so frustrated by this way-too-common scenario for you, Leah! it is so not simple to relocate a whole family for work </3 it's never fun to have a deadline on a decision appear on a timeline that is not your own. and i know that sometimes there is never an ideal answer, but i hope that you're taking plenty of time to be quiet with yourself and consider what you want at this exact time.
sending you a big hug and excited to see what's next for you!
🤍🤍🤍
I’ve been yearning for new mom friendships and feeling kind of unsure if I’d be accepted by mom cause I don’t identify as a woman. Reading your journey gave me reassurance that the right mom friends will come! ♥️
ohhh this makes me so happy to hear that this gave you some reassurance, i deeply believe that they will!
and i will say that the things i was worried would set me apart have become the same things that people find attractive. as much as i wanted to fit in and worried about being an outlier, owning my differences has ultimately made me more interesting and intriguing. i trust that your mom friends will love you exactly as you are too <3 fwiw, i do!
Yessss thank you for the tender reminder that all of me are accepted ♥️♥️
This was so beautiful and relatable, Annaliese. I'm not a mother yet, but when I was in between companies + going through the depths of my Saturn return, I suddenly felt untethered to how I've always self-identified—"the entrepreneur", "the hard worker", you get the gist. It took therapy and a fusion of self-love + acceptance to realize that the messy middle was okay, too.
the messy middle is okay too <3 yes yes yes. thank you, Kayli!!